OFH3 Trail # 204 (Sun. 4/22) Mother Nature Tutu Trail
When: Saturday, April 22, 2017 - 10:00 am - Hares away at 10:30!!!
Where: Little Bennett Regional Park 26031-26109 Prescott Rd, Clarksburg, MD 20871.
Directions: Go straight, past the golf course parking lot, and through the gate to the horse trailer parking area. You'll see a picnic area in the back of the clearing.
What: Mother Earth invites you on her special day to cum and enjoy the shiggy. Bonus: its a 2-2 trail, wear a tutu!
NOTES: Nature's finest shiggy (ranging from 4-7 out of 10). Shiggy socks are a must. Bring a dry bag, you will get wet. Consider wearing hats and long sleeves, there are ticks. Four legged friends are fine for trail, not for on after.
On-after: Buffalo Wild Wings 3335 Ijamsville, MD 21754. Don't let the address fool you, it's in Urbana.
Hares: Unleash the Furrry and Just Mike
Hash Cash: $5
Hares and Trail On Tap:
- Trail #204 April 22nd, 2017 - Unleash the FURRY!!!
- Trail #205 May 7th, 2017 - Tail Hooker, Clit Eastwood & Ballzheimers
- Trail #206 May 27th, 2017 - NEED A HARE!
- Trail #207 June 4th, 2017 - Tour Duh Hash Date?!
- Trail #208 June 17th, 2017 - In Vino Vulvitas & ??????
- Trail #209 July 2nd, 2017 - NEED A HARE!
- Trail #210 July 22nd, 2017 - NEED A HARE!
Deep Thought of the Day
OFH3 Trail # 203 (Sun. 4/2) April Fool's Hash
When: April 2nd, 2017 - 1:30 pm - Hares away at 2 (or earlier)!
Where: Il Forno's Pizzeria, Westridge Square Shopping Center, 1035 W Patrick St, Frederick, MD 21702
Well, to start with it's on the second, so there's that... Be ready to prank, and be pranked. We will be live haring. We haven't scouted, and probably won't even discuss it before we head on out to live hare.
Wow, what a total surprise it'll be if we find it back to the beer!
Trail will be: A to A OR A to B. It's April Fools. Deal with it.
Details: LIVE!! Cause that's the way all hashes should be. Short, flat and dry. Or not. Did I mention we are going to totally free ball this thing. (And yes, that includes Mustache)
Hares: Mustache Cash, I Nose a Guy, PalmPilot
Hash Cash:$5, cause beer.
On After: Il Forno's Pizzeria
OFH3 Trail # 201 (Sun. 3/5) BEER!! And trail...
When: March 5, 2017 - 1:30 pm - Hares away at 2!
Where: Up the rear of Monocacy Village Shopping Center, 902 North East Street, Frederick, MD 21701
D-erections: Park in front, saunter up the rear. Look for wankers and you've done it right.
What: Trail. With beer. And Shiggy.
NOTES: Some shiggy (3 out of 10). Should stay dry! Four legged friends on leashes are fine for trail, not for on after.
On-after: Rockwell's Brewery! That's right wankers! ANOTHER NEW BREWERY!
Hares: Nacho Taco and I Nose A Guy
Hash Cash: $5
I Nose A Guy's Cell: [REDACTED, SEE FB.]
OFH3 Trail #200 (Sat. 2/18) Bicentennial Spirited Beer Hashiversary
On this, the 200th hashiversary of ye olde frederick hash house harriers kennel. We welcum you to taste, smell, feel, lick, and delight in all the pleasures that our sweet, sexy city has to offer.
What:Cum sample Frederick's finest ales and spirits.
When: 1:30 (Hares away at 2!), on Saturday 2/21/17
Where: DTF MARC Station Parking Lot (on the back side of the tracks) -- loop around via S Wisner Street
Hares: Snatch, Just Kelly, Just Rachel
Theme: Booze. Wear your drinking pants.
Hash Cash: $5
Trail: A 2 A
On After: Attaboy Brewery
Bring: Hash Cash, ID, Wallet (cash preferred), Warm Clothes
Don't Bring: Pets, Kids, Bad Attitudes
This is a crawl from establishment to establishment. BYOB (buy.your.own.booze). You can expect shot checks :)
Trail #199 (Sunday 2/5) OFH3's 199th trail, with Just Chris & Gnome Gnuts
When:Start time is 1:30 PM
Where: 11557 Robinwood Dr. Hagerstown
On after: Benny's pub @ 49 Eastern BLVD N.
They will have tv's set up to watch the big game
Hares: Gnome Gnuts and Just Chris
Ladies, gentleman and the rest of you dysfunctional degenerates come join Just Chris as he lays his virgin trail. Come gaze at him as he slides his hand in that glorious bag of white flour for the first time and see the orgasmic look on his face as he goes in dry and comes out moist with excitement.
Welcome to OFH3's 199th trail. The theme of the trail is the Super bowl. It will be a competition between the SLOW AND STEADY all night long Turkeys and the Why take all night to do it once when you can go fast and hard OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN Eagles. Come dressed supporting your favorite football team, dress as a football personality, and special helmets are highly encouraged . If you do not have a team to represent then represent either the Turkeys rocking burgundy and brown or the Eagles rocking silver and blue. If anyone needs crash space it is available just let us know.
Trail #198 (Wednesday 2/1) HUMP DAY PICK UP TRAIL!!! "Your Vegas is Showing" starring Nanny Pokely
WHAT: Hump Day Hash
WHEN: 6:30 p.m.; hares away 7 p.m.
WHERE: Toppings Pizza, 5330 New Design Rd, Frederick MD 21703
HARES: Nanny Pokely and Mango Bango
THEME: Your Vegas is Showing!
HASH CASH: $5
TRAIL: A to A
FUR (baby)/Stroller FRIENDLY: Dogs yes, stroller no
ON AFTER: Beef O'Brady's, 6959 Crestwood Blvd, Frederick MD 21703
BRING: $5, Head Lamps (guys it's gonna be dark out)a whistle, virgins, chalk, a thirst for the golden nectar, change of shoes/socks
DIRECTIONS: Park to the side/back of Toppings Pizza. Look for your two hot af hares.
Remember: What happens on trail, stays on trail.
Hare contact: Mango Bango [redacted]
Get in the mood:
It'll be the BEST trail you run all day!
Trail #197 (Saturday 1/28) The Great Crawl of China, Year of the Cock
What better way to Rong in the year of the Cock than with a little Dong and a lot of Spermit?
Who: Rong Duck Dong and Spermit the Frog (virgin lay!)
What: A shitty, short (in distance), stumble around town.
Where: Start/End is at 723 Trail Ave, Frederick, MD (Trail is A to A). graciously provided by Just Holta and Just Mike
When: Gather at 1:30pm, pack away at 2pm
Why: Do you really need a reason to drink? Ok, we're celebrating the new moon following the winter solstice. Don't worry, Gregorians, we promise it's a thing.
Hash Cash: $5
DO Bring: Weather-appropriate clothing, vessel, ID and extra monies (trail will include bars-drink to your heart's content).
DON'T Bring: 4-legged-friends, firecrackers
As you may have been able to discern from above, this will be a VERY drinker-friendly trail. Stretch your livers, work out your rides from end circle, you will be drunk before end circle.
COSTUMES? Come dressed as your Chinese zodiac animal (confused? go here: http://sanfacon-mills.com/assets/images/New_Chinese.jpg)
ON-AFTER: Brewer's Alley (a pleasant walk from Start/End)
Trail #196 (Saturday 1/21) Whiny Li'l Bitch and Just Kelly's - It's fu*kin cold and we are freezing our a$$es off Trail
Calling all Winter Wankers!
Come bitch moan and complain about everything in true Whiny style while running Just Kelly's first la*d trail and freezing your a$$es off with OFH3.
When: Assuming we're all still alive after the inauguration ... it'll be on the 21st of Jan - 2017
Where: 512 W South Street- Frederick, MD. Street parking.
Hares: Whiny Little Bitch and Just Kelly.
Why: It's OFH3- do you really need a reason to get sh*t faced?!
Hash cash: $5
Hare Notes: A-A Urban Trail with minimal shiggy. Bring hash CASH, VESSEL, VIRGINS and a bad attitude to Bitch and Complain about everything!!!
Hare Notes: Four legged friends are WELCOME on trail, but not at On After.
On After: Blue Side Tavern, Frederick. MD
Crash space availabe, post on the OFH3 Facebook site and someone will take you up. We love you visiting wankers!!
Trail #195 (Sunday 1/1) "I Resolve to Hash the First Sunday of Every Month"
The Long Story:
The Stars and Moons have aligned people! A pick-up hash Friday? Huzzah! Then a New Years Hash Saturday? Incredible. Right into our normal First Sunday Hash, which also happens to be New Years Day? Totes Amazeballs.
Get your tired, broken, hung-over selves off of Sped and Sours floor, and walk over to Hood for a LIVE trail (more alive than you're gonna feel, I reckon). PalmPilot and Lucky Pierre will be there to make sure you regret that resolution to r*n more this year!
The Short Story:
Start: Hood College-exact spot TBD
Time: 1:30pm January 1st, 2017
Hares: Lucky Pierre and PalmPilot
Details: Hares away at 1:40, pack away 1:50
Hash Cash: $5
Trail#194 (Saturday 12/31) New Year's Eve Hash
Hares: Sped, Sour, Poly
When: 1:30pm New Year's Eve
Where: Weis Market, 6093 Spring Ridge Pkwy, Frederick MD
This is the last trail of the year and the last day before you attempt to try and be a better person, start exercising more, or stop drinking so much. So it's time to have as much fun as possible. This trail will be on the shiggier side of things and has a tunnel so bring head lamps if you're really scared of the dark. Not quite sure what special surprises we will plan for this but it will be legend "wait for it" ary.
Hash Cash: $5 (in actual cash)
On after: Is a pot luck style new years eve party at [REDACTED] with a party until the wee hours of the morning and breakfast casserole mimosas. Hosts will provide some beer, food, and mixed drinks but please bring some stuff to share. Party games will be played so if you have any games bring em. Crash space is available but let SpEd know so he can plan accordingly. Or plan with another hasher to crash at their place.
Trail#193 (Friday 12/30) One Last 2016 Disappointment: Revenge of the SeC*nt!!
First of all, I don't know how you all do events, so I'm going Rogue (One) and just making a FB/web event to declare this a pick-up trail.
When: Friday December 30th at 5:30PM
Here's the plan: 5:30PM show, 6:00 go
Start: Pack meets at 39.365934, -77.427810
Details: Basically, park at AKA Friscos: 4632 Wedgewood Blvd, Frederick, MD 21703 and meet in the back by the water.
Meet outside, again unless weather is just a nightmare. Then inside upstairs.
On After: Flying Dog Brewery. WE HAVE A TOUR RESERVATION!
On On After (Past about 8:30 pm): Casa de Afrack
Forecast: Cloudy. Barely above freezing
Trail will have shiggy, is NOT barefoot or stroller friendly. Mostly not dog friendly, unless they're ok crossing creeks
Bring $5, a whistle, flash(flesh?)light, a vessel, virgins, a thirst for the golden nectar, and a growler!!
Trail#192 (Saturday 12/17) Buddy's Naughty Jaunt (Pub Crawl)
When: Saturday Dec 17th at 1:30PM
Hares: Nacho Taco and League of Her Gnome
Come trace Buddy the Elf's naughty jaunt from the night before. Follow his boozy footsteps to see where he's hiding from Santa!
Arrival: Pack gathers at 1:30pm
On Out: Hares away at 2pm
Details: Get your workout done in the morning, so you can get your drink on in the afternoon...
- Technology is required on trail!
- Festive attire is encouraged
- Bring your ID and pocket flask (if you must) and MONEY if you want to drink during the our boozy pub crawl
- Download your most favorite hash carols or create your own. There will be singing on trail
- Drinks will be provided before and after- bring your vessel
- On-After will be at Afracks- Bring money or food to keep the momentum going!
- Please be smart and ensure you have a DD, uber app, or safe place to crash.
Hash cash is $5.00
Trail#191 (Sunday 12/4) Nauty or Nice Trail
When: Sunday Dec 4th at 1:30PM
Where: Stanley Park, 1023 Kosman Alley Frederick, MD 21701
Hares: Just Nathan, Just Jenn, Sped, and Sour
What to Bring:
- Bribe Money for the head elf to let you on this adventure-$5
- Something to store drink with in between drinks- vessel
- Dignity if you have any left if not your shame will do- yourself
- Fresh elves for the sweatshop- Friends if you have any left. If not the person you met on tinder will do
- Dry bag only if it is raining
Trail is A to B but not to far away
Details: It's the day Santa makes his list. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. Oh my Santa is a creeper and really what would old, overweight man want you to do if he was peeking through your window in the middle of the night. Back to the point two virgin hares, a gimp and a disgruntled women will attempt to help you evade Santa's judgmental eyes for fun that would surely get you on the naughty list
Trail#190 (Saturday 11/19) Hashy Spanksgiving
Cum to trail and baste your breasts, stuff your turkey, and drink copious amounts of beer!
HARES: I Got Blown By A Guy Once...Twice and Just Laura
WHEN: Saturday November 19th 1:30pm
WHERE: Just Laura's House [REDACTED]
WHAT TO BRING:
- $5 Hash Cash
- Dry Bag
ON AFTER: Blue Sky Bar and Grill, 10519 Old National Pike, New Market, MD. 21774
DETAILS: This is an A to A trail.
Please park in VISITOR parking along N Steamboat or S Steamboat. Plenty of parking but carpooling is suggested. There is plenty of space at Just Laura's to change before On After. Yes, there WILL be an On After After! Keep your eyes open for the event to go up soon!
This will be my farewell for now trail so come out and toss a couple back with me. -Twice
Trail#189 (Sunday 11/6) Presidential ERECTIONS!
What: Four whores and 69 years ago... Our Presidential Candidates were not as laughable as they are today. So let's run this shit into the ground and celebrate before the world is turned on its ass on Election Night!
Cum dressed as a President Erect or any political pound-it you desire. Let's make Murica great again!
When: Nov 6, year of our good Lawd 20-mofo-16, start time 1:30 pee em - HARES Away 2:00 pee em (I'm sure Tinx will pee more than 2 times...) That's right Wankers! This is a LIVE HARE!
Where: Frederick MARC Train parking lot (behind Target), 5437 Urbana Pike, Frederick, MD 21704 (39.383352, -77.395408)
D-erections: Instead of turning into the parking lot for Target, continue on the service drive until it dead ends into the train station parking lot. Look for wankers in costumes and you've done it right.
What: Trail. With beer. And shots. And Shiggy. And Water... And you should probably bring a head torch ('cause you know we like to go down)
NOTE: Be sure to bring your ID and some cash on trail. Some shiggy, some water. Not dog friendly, we're too close to the main roads. And we are serious about the head torches... and dry bags... (Have you met us?!)
On-after: Tilted Kilt - 5605 Spectrum Dr, Frederick, MD 21703
Hares: Olfucktory & Can U Not Tinkle
Hash Cash: $5
Trail #188 - Furrever Single! (Saturday 10/15)
Hares: Afrack and Mango Bango
Date/Time: Trail on Saturday 10/15, start time 1:30pm.
Details: Heeeeey Hashers! It's time to get geared up for a fun trail!
No one should be surprised by this theme: Cats and Glitter! Break out your feline costumes and shake a little glitter all over those kitties. This trail is brought to you by Afrack and Mango Bango: OFH3's crazy cat ladies! Let your inner cat lady shine!
Here are details for trail:
When: 1:30 pm gather, pack away at 2.
What to bring: 5$ hash cash, change of clothes. Just your standard trail with a few gimmicks thrown in. Constumes on trail encouraged.
Can't make trail but want to come to circle? Awesome! We want you to come play with us. Trail is A to A. (Surprise ending: it is at my house). We will do circle in my back yard.
On after: Glory Days Grill (1305 W. 7th Street) Food and beer aplenty here.
On after after: Hanging and drinking back at my house later. We will prob run out of beer at circle, so bring some more alcohol if you wanna keep drinking.
I have PLENTY of crash space! Out of towners very welcome! I have spare rooms and tons of floor space. If you think you might drink too much, bring an air mattress (I have hard wood floors) and crash on the floor. I would rather have 30 drunk bodies strewn about than have anyone drive home.
Any questions: text hares Afrack or Mango Bango.
Trail #187 - 4th Annual Fredneck TRASH HASH!!! (Sunday 10/2)
Hares: Palm Pilot and Taste the Rainbow
Date/Time: Trail on Sunday 10/2, start time 1:30pm.
Start Location: Kidwiller Park, Fredneck.
Trail Details: It was gawddam gonna happen eventual. I got blackout drunk in mexico. Again. This time, she wakes me up swingin a peace of paper around. I can't read the freekin thing. It's in mexicish. Turns out, it's a wedding paper. Crap.
This ain't gonna be good for my sex life. But you know what's good for yours? The 4th annual Fredneck Hash, that's what.
We gonna "Celebrate" this cluster f@#%.
Aint no Fredneck wedding seriously gonna have a white dress involved, so we expect ALL you wankers to wear a dress. Prom dress, formal dress, skank dress etc. If it aint somewheres near 1500k, y'all gonna be punished. Y'all where white and there's gonna be some cat fightin
That's right, this here is OFH3's first ever DRESSy Trash HASH
Where was I? oh, right.
As y'all remember from years dun gone - and nun of y'all that've been there remembers crappall after hares away - there's some stuff to remember.
Stuff to Remember:
a-bring a damn vessel. Run with it. You will be punished ifn ya don't. and NO you will NOT like that.
b-be trashy. Yeah, you got that covered already
c-bring a whistle
4-Chalk. Bring it. You gonna need to.
c-This here is a LIVE trail as GAWDALMITEY intended every trail to be!!!
4-Trail is A to A prime (or A to B if you are a whiney old traveling hasher) Bring your stuff with you if you need stuff to hash or shut your pie hole and run back to your car.
c-Will there be cake? Come hash to find out. And check the photos in the morning to know if you had any.
d-BRING A VESSELL or be punished.
$6 hash cash. That's right SIX goddamn dollars. The other dollar goes toward my surgery. yup, that suregery.
Hash starts at 1:30pm. Hares out at 1:45pm, Pack away at 2:00pm.
On After: at Callahan's cuz Frederick